The Blog of Heather Blaise

Understanding Men Part 13 – Understand YOUR man

Heather — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 20:25:42 +0000

There are specific stages that all men go through during their lifetimes.

The stages of a man’s life

Pages — From birth to puberty. They are knight wannabes. They tend to be single-focused and much more picky than women.
Knights — Starts from puberty until late twenties. They are characterized by adventure.
Princes — From late twenties to early thirties. This stage is all about building. They are painfully aware that they are not a king. The early prince is concerned about what he will be king of. The compulsion to work is very intense. The late prince is much more confident and see more to life (this portion of this stage lasts only about six months).
Tunnel men — Transition phase between being a prince and a king. Better known as a mid-life crisis.
Kings — Characterized as providers. Have a strong sense of self and are clear about who they are.

Learn more details about these stages through audio CD’s called The Amazing Development of Men. Comment below if you’d like more info.

Champions Are Of Good Cheer

Heather — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 17:40:35 +0000

The great ones carefully create world-class results by consciously constructing every thought with a sunny disposition from within. The world class is of good cheer by conscious choice. They are aware that their thoughts are the creators of their circumstances. Amateurs, on the other hand, create mediocre circumstances inadvertently by the thoughts they in particular entertain which includes longing and lack.

Understanding that their inner world creates and determines their outer world and champions embrace the role of the successful, fulfilled and happy human being until the part becomes them. In order to attract extraordinary success, fulfillment and happiness they must first become these exact things. Like attracts like, success breeds success, happiness manifests happiness. We don’t attract what we desire…we attract what we are. This statement alone is why the world class consciously chooses to be of good cheer.*

*177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class referenced

Mindy Mar D.C.

San Diego Center for Health

406 9th Avenue, Suite 206

San Diego, CA 92101

(619) 544-9700

www.sdcenterforhealth.com -

“The Doctor of the future will give no medicine, but will educate his patients in the care of the human frame, in diet, and in the cause and prevention of disease”

Thomas A. Edison

Understanding Men Part 12 – The things you need to ask to be happy, healthy, and satisfied around SEX!

Heather — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 00:00:02 +0000

The 7 things you need to ask your partner about sex

From Alison Armstrong

What sex provides for you?
Don’t assume you know this about your partner or that they know this about you. We all assume it’s the same for each other or the same as for much younger men and women.
What fills your “Sexy Tank?”
What puts you in your body and open to physical intimacy?
Your “Pumpkin Hours?”
When are the times that a request for sex from your partner would cause resentment ~ for example because of lost sleep or another focus?
Your “Signals?”
How do you indicate the desire for sex to your partner? If you’ve been getting turned down, he might not even be receiving your signal!
Your “Desserts?”
What will you “eat” even when you’re not hungry? What is always a great offer?
Your “Jump Starts?”
Every man and woman has words, phrases, tones of voice and/or ways to be touched that jump start a dead battery and make you want to have sex NOW!
Your “End Game?”
What do you need in the minutes, hours and days after sex? To feel appreciated, respected or loved? It’s okay to need a phone call, even when you’re married!

Now, after reading this list, you can see it all boils down to communication. A lot of women may be embarrassed, or feel like their man might think they’re “dirty” for being so open about their needs. I recently talked to a few of my male friends, and I can assure you that this is NOT the case! Men love pleasing their women, and not only will they be quite happy to get some instruction from the most beautiful women in the world, their chosen one, but they’ll also find it really sexy that you’re interested in sex with them and that you want it to be the best it can be for both of you. So, give it a try, next time you’re alone and in an intimate setting. Start with “you know what really turns me on?” and I promise it will go well!!

Understanding Men – Part 11 – Understanding what it means to be bored

Heather — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 16:39:05 +0000

Sometimes, we don’t quite understand what it means to a man to be bored. As women, we are naturally equipped with that diffuse awareness that keeps us going, and keeps our minds occupied. Men tend to commit themselves to a single thing, with focus, and if they don’t find something worthy of thinking about or doing, they’ll focus quite literally on nothing. They’re quite a bit more picky about what they’ll choose to pay attention to. When a man says that he is bored, he is telling you that he hasn’t found anything worth paying attention to. Since he’s only going to focus on one thing, he wants to make sure that what he chooses is worthy of his life, and that it is important to him.

If you can, find something for him to do, something worthy of his attention. Do not to think about things for him to do or think about what would benefit you, but rather try to help him find something that is worthy of him. He is someone important in your life, and your spending time with him means you admire and care for him. Help him to find something that you know is worthy of him. Give him an opportunity to be your hero and be proud of himself, too.

An Obituary printed in the London Times – Interesting and sadly rather true.

Heather — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 22:05:32 +0000

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend,Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn’t always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to re alise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I’m A Victim

Most People Don’t Like Change…I Crave It.

Heather — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:24:26 +0000

I subscribe to a weekly newsletter from an expatriot who’s living life powerfully. He sent me this story to rimind me how important it is to keep fluid and go with the flow. Most people loath change but I’ve embraced change so much that now I crave it. I get complete satisfaction and fulfillment from keeping things fresh and pushing my comfort levels by learning new things and changing things up often.

I owe this way of being to my ongoing financial success. I was heavily into real estate and when that industry took a downward spiral, I shifted to a completely different occupation in internet advertising. If I would have resisted, and stayed in the real estate market I would have been dragged down with it. Instead, things are going well despite the big economic downturn most people are facing right now. In order to be successful and powerful, I think it’s imparative that you get really comfortable with change yourself. The following story is a good example of why it’s so important.

By the late summer of 1939, Hitler’s forces had absorbed Austria and Czechoslovakia into his growing empire, and Germany’s military was massed at the Polish border clearly preparing for invasion.

In an astonishing display of perhaps the greatest complacency in the history of the modern world, however, Polish people sat lazing about their lakes, beaches, and riverbanks worrying about more pressing matters– like how to beat the summer heat.

In September of that year, German troops easily vanquished the Polish army, and Krakow became the colonial seat of the occupying forces. Almost immediately, under the direction of the German SS, anyone who posed a threat was rounded up and imprisoned. This included over 180 Polish university professors and many businessmen.

Krakow, of course, is also very close to two of the main concentration camps used during the German occupation, nearby Oswiecim (Auschwitz) and Plaszow.

The worst part is that, even after the war was over, Poland merely swapped fascism for Stalinism. Overall, the country was shrouded in brutal totalitarian control for half a century; undoubtedly, the Nazi invasion of Poland set off a chain of events that would forever affect the lives of all Poles.

It’s true that no one had a crystal ball back then… but it would certainly stand to reason that with Hitler knocking at your door, you would probably want to have an escape plan. Even more prudently, perhaps to have already executed it.

Many Poles did just that; they spent the preceding seasons liquidating assets, stocking up on gold, and getting their travel documents in order. By the time Hitler came to town, many of the smart ones were already gone.

My guess is that the ones who left were probably ridiculed by their peers as “crazy”, or “fringe”, or “out of touch”, or my personal favorite, “unpatriotic.” It’s as if they had a solemn national duty to stay, get roped up and waste away in a concentration camp for the ‘greater good’ of Poland.

For those who escaped before the war, many of them went on to build new lives in places like the United States, Brazil, and Argentina. They prioritized freedom and opportunity, and they went to the best places that were safest for themselves and their families.

I’ve met a businessman here (I’ll call him “Jarek”) who I think has the best story to sum this up; when Jarek’s father was just a boy in Krakow, the family saw the warning signs and decided to leave town. This was 1938.

Jarek’s grandfather owned a successful bakery at the time, yet he felt that he would rather start over somewhere else than risk the safety of his family by living in a police state. They sold everything– the house, livestock, and business… and everyone else thought they were crazy.

Within six months, the family was in Curitiba, Brazil; Jarek’s grandfather soon established a new bakery that eventually became a thriving business. Jarek’s father grew up in Curitiba and integrated into the local culture, yet he maintained his roots since there were many other Poles who followed them there.

30-years later, the face of Brazil started to change. By the mid-1960s, the whole of Latin America was becoming a military dictatorship. Once again, the family decided to get out while they could and head towards better opportunity; they sold the business, liquidated their assets, and this time headed towards the United States.

Jarek was just a baby when the family made this move. He grew up in a Polish neighborhood of Chicago, spoke Polish at home, and married a Polish girl from his neighborhood.

He was working as a young real estate professional in the Chicago suburbs when the Berlin Wall fell, at which point he began making more frequent trips to Poland to visit his family’s homeland.

In his subsequent trips throughout the following years, Jarek began feeling like there was more and more opportunity in Poland; in 2003, fearful of what would happen in Chicago because of the “War on Terror,” Jarek moved his family full-circle back to Poland because he felt like it was the safest, most opportunity-rich place for him to be.

He may have been right; his business is booming, and the family really enjoys the life they have built for themselves here. To listen to him talk, though, they would happily leave and go somewhere else if the right circumstances were presented.

“My most important obligation is to my family,” he told me. “I will go wherever I can provide the best life for them, whether that is Poland, America, Brazil, or anywhere else. Nothing lasts forever, you have to expect that these things will change from time to time. People have to learn to change as well, to not get rooted in ideology.”

I think Jarek has an interesting point; I’d really like to hear from you, though, what do you think?

What The Heck’s A Vision Board—and How Can It Change Your Life?

Heather — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 19:40:14 +0000

I speak at Universities once in a while, to business students, about a business formula that I’ve put together. From my experience with Quizno’s, I understand the big picture of how to make any business successful no matter what the product or service is. I’ve discovered that in order to be successful every business needs to apply the exact same aspects. I stress that before starting any business, that it’s important to envision what the purpose of the business is, what it looks like and what outcome you ultimately would like. The clearer the vision, the more likely it is to appear that way, and the more likely things will show up that support your vision. Like magic!

My goal is to teach you how to use one aspect of that magic, something indubitably cheesy but surprisingly effective. I’m talking about a vision board.

All the Pretty Pictures

I have a photo box containing many images I’ve torn from magazines. I plan to glue them all to one large piece of butcher paper. The resulting collage will be a vision board; its purpose, to depict (and lead me to) my desired future. This whole process makes me roll my eyes—as I was trained to do over the course of my very rationalist education—but damn if it doesn’t work.

Sometimes.

I’ve made several vision boards that bombed out, and some that were so successful that the hairs on the nape of my neck prickled for months. Years ago I glued up a headline that said MAKING AFRICA WELL. I thought it was a joke—oh, sure, like I could do that—never expecting that a few years later I’d be invited to a wedding in South Africa and while there went to an orphanage in a township. Suddenly, I found myself raising and donating money for them.

I’ve discovered there’s a trick to making a vision board that brings forth such improbable coincidences. It starts with avoiding common pitfalls that result in faulty, inoperative models. Many people hear the basic instructions—”Find pictures of things you want in your life and stick ‘em where you can see ‘em”—and create virtually identical collages: a wad of cash, a handsome husband, a gorgeous body, a luxury car, a tropical beach.

Snore. These images constitute our culture’s idea of the good life. Even a rich, happily married beauty queen with a Porsche in the driveway and a house on the ocean will crank out this same damn vision board. This has no juice at all. To really work, a vision board has to come not from your culture but from your primordial, nonsocial self—the genetically unique animal/angel that contains your innate preferences.

When you start assembling pictures that appeal to this deep self, you unleash one of the most powerful forces on our planet: human imagination. Virtually everything humans use, do, or make exists because someone thought it up. Sparking your incredibly powerful creative faculty is the reason you make a vision board. The board itself doesn’t impact reality; what changes your life is the process of creating the images—combinations of objects and events that will stick in your subconscious mind and steer your choices toward making the vision real.

Step 1: Please Your Animal.
There are two basic procedures involved in creating an effective vision board. First, instead of cogitating about familiar images, scout for the unfamiliar. Your mind can’t do this. Your animal/angel self can. Just page through a magazine (and walk through the world) noticing things that trigger physical reactions: a heart thump, a double take, a gasp.
The only responses involved should resemble these:
“Ooooh!”
“Aaaahhhhh.”
“Whoa!”
“!!!!”
“????”

These “thoughts” register in your stomach, your heart, your lungs—anywhere but your head. You can’t produce them in response to cultural clichés or abstract ideas. Nor can you always know why your body reacts to an image. Wondering, then finding out, is one of the most delicious things about assembling a vision board.

For example, as I rummage through my current collection of images, my body is utterly unmoved by photos of mansions or designer clothing. What interests it are pictures of an abstract sculpture, a dried leaf, and (overwhelmingly) a map on which the migratory route of the springbok antelope is shown in red. !!!! Go figure.

Though it makes no logical sense, I know from experience that gluing these pictures on one big page will begin catalyzing something beyond my mind’s capacity to calculate or conceptualize. If you’re not already accumulating images that rock your socks, stay alert. Whenever you find them, filch them.

Step 2: Let Go Mentally and Emotionally.

Most folks master Step 1 easily, gathering new and interesting images by the bushel. Step 2 of making a vision board requires something trickier: not thinking. To do it you must relax completely and let your mind go blank. You don’t concentrate on the result you want.

This is exactly what you should do once you’ve created a vision board. Stop thinking about it. Lose it. Recycle it. The biggest mistake aspiring reality creators make (aside from that predictable cash/tropical island collage) is continuing to push something they’ve already set in motion. You’ve felt the repellent energy of salespeople desperate to hook you—it makes you sprint away so fast, you cause sonic booms. Don’t use that results-oriented energy.

Step 3: Be Still and Still Moving.
Making a vision board is not a substitute for elbow grease. Magical cocreator or not, you still have to do stuff. For example, I want to be better at speaking french. So I put a headline on my vision board: I am fluent in French. I watched movies with subtitles, listened to french music, and made a little progress. I made arrangements to live in Paris for 2 months, and take french language classes 3 times per week. After one month my French was flowing and could have conversations. By the time I left, after being emerged in the culture, I was fluent.

This is the zone of reality creation: regularly picturing delights that don’t yet exist, emotionally detaching from them, and jumping into action when it’s time to help the miracles occur. I’m barely learning this, to be (in T.S. Eliot’s words) “still and still moving.” But in the moments I get it right, every step I take seems to be matched by a universal mystery, which obligingly, incredibly, creates what I can’t.

So that’s my 411 on vision boards, but please, don’t believe me. Try it yourself. Do it as a lark, a hobby, a physics experiment (though calling it that may cause Werner Heisenberg to spin in his grave like an Olympic ice dancer). While you’re oohing and aahing, cutting and gluing, I’ll be doing the same.

Understanding Men Part 10 Facts vs. Feelings

Heather — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 00:02:38 +0000

One of the things we discovered years ago is that the Masculine measures reality by trusted FACTS while the Feminine reality is created by her FEELINGS. Both of these are completely valid ways of seeing the world.

An interesting and hazardous side effect, however, is when you put these two realities in an automobile together. Let’s call the Masculine a “Man,” although this is not always true, and the Feminine a “Woman,” also not always true ~ but easier to repeat over and over again. He’s going to pay attention to being Factually safe, while she can’t help but notice if she Feels safe.

Add to this the difference in eyesight for men and women: He can track moving objects way better than she can; she has a peripheral vision that’s more sensitive and prey-like than predator ~ meaning she sees more threats.

This is how you have a woman full of tension and potentially freaking out because he keeps changing lanes. Every time he moves the car to a lane on her side, it will look to her like cars on her side might hit her. So she doesn’t feel safe. He may know factually that he hasn’t had an accident in decades, that the car over on the other side wasn’t going to move, that the speed with which he slipped in that spot missed the other car by a mile… and so on.

Unfortunately, the fact of her being safe will not make her feel safe. And a man’s greatest challenge with women is making them FEEL SAFE. Because everything good from a woman begins with her feeling safe ~ and everything nasty begins with her feeling unsafe.

I would love your comments and questions related to this topic. It’s worth exploring!

Blessings,
Heather

P.S.
~ Join us on facebook!

Understanding Men Part 9 – The Perfect Fit

Heather — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 23:28:53 +0000

Michele Skerl and Alison Armstrong had designed an exercise whereby the participants could practice leading horses/people of very different temperaments and capacities. Specifically with regard to the horses, Chaka is happiest when someone brings-it-on at full power with a lot of energy and enthusiasm; Heather (Not me, but the horse) just needs clarity, if you have that you don’t even have to ask before she’s acting upon it; Alli is very sensitive to power – if you overpower her, she’ll protect herself, if you pull your power, she’ll doubt you; and Velvet needs clarity plus a gentle request – if you’re unclear she’ll appear stubborn and temp you to use more force, which she’ll resist and resent.

As the four women took turns working with each of the horses, they adapted to their needs and experienced the ability to lead horses/people just like them. Then the unexpected began happening: the perfect fit. For each of the women, there was a horse who so resonated with who they are that synchronicity was completely natural and easy. Both woman and horse glowed as they discovered each other. It brought tears to their eyes to watch.

Alison and Michele were overjoyed that each participant experienced the perfect fit. The feeling of it is now embedded in who they are. They’ll never forget what it feels like and never mistake anything else for it. And they experienced the ability to work with people who aren’t the perfect fit, but with whom something is possible that is worth adapting for.

The last possibility didn’t show up in the arena, but it shows up in life. The person who brings out the worst in you, while you bring out the worst in them. Neither of you are bad people. The two of you are just a bad combination. The most honoring thing to do in this case – for you and them – is to let it go.

Many people enter into relationships, personal and professional, and hope to change that person or entity into something that they desire. While it is admirable and generous to help someone become better, you must approach it from the standpoint that you’re making them better for them, not for you. If your true desire is to see them become better in their own eyes, and become closer to their own ideal, then this is done out of love. You’re not really changing them, you’re helping them become more who they want to be. If you can’t find your perfect fit, you may confuse yourself into thinking that you can change them into something else. While we can often make small changes in others, it can be very difficult sometimes. You should think hard about your situation, if you have a bad fit, and decide if you’re trying to change them into someone else, or to make them more like themselves. If you want someone else, the best thing to do is to let them go!

The Great Ones Operate With Integrity

Mindy — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 00:24:01 +0000

“In looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence
and energy. If they don’t have the first, the other two will kill you.”
– Warren Buffet
CEO, Berkshire Hathaway

Average people and performers tend to view integrity as a luxury they hope to be
able to sustain while primarily operating from a mindset of fear and doubt. In effort
to survive in a world they believe is out to get them, integrity often gets left behind.
World class performers have the conditioned advantage of operating from love and
abundance, which dictates that integrity be the baseline of every action taken. Champions have a reputation for total integrity; it is the foundation of their entry into any playing field.

The great ones are always welcomed within. Their friends, co-workers, colleagues and
contacts know that when push comes to shove, champions will always do the right thing.
Integrity is a habit of the pros, not because it succeeds, but because it’s the right thing to do.

When a champion tells you he or she will do something, their word is as good as gold.
Their handshake is a binding contract. Contrary to what they teach in business school,
handshake deals are still very common among the world class. The great ones play by
different rules, and rule number one is total integrity.

Mindy Mar, D.C.
San Diego Center for Health
www.sdcenterforhealth.com