Understanding Men Part 13 – Understand YOUR man

There are specific stages that all men go through during their lifetimes.

The stages of a man’s life

• Pages — From birth to puberty. They are knight wannabes. They tend to be single-focused and much more picky than women.
• Knights — Starts from puberty until late twenties. They are characterized by adventure.
• Princes — From late twenties to early thirties. This stage is all about building. They are painfully aware that they are not a king. The early prince is concerned about what he will be king of. The compulsion to work is very intense. The late prince is much more confident and see more to life (this portion of this stage lasts only about six months).
• Tunnel men — Transition phase between being a prince and a king. Better known as a mid-life crisis.
• Kings — Characterized as providers. Have a strong sense of self and are clear about who they are.

Learn more details about these stages through audio CD’s called The Amazing Development of Men. Comment below if you’d like more info.

Champions Are Of Good Cheer

The great ones carefully create world-class results by consciously constructing every thought with a sunny disposition from within.  The world class is of good cheer by conscious choice. They are aware that their thoughts are the creators of their circumstances. Amateurs, on the other hand, create mediocre circumstances inadvertently by the thoughts they in particular entertain which includes longing and lack.

Understanding that their inner world creates and determines their outer world and champions embrace the role of the successful, fulfilled and happy human being until the part becomes them.  In order to attract extraordinary success, fulfillment and happiness they must first become these exact things. Like attracts like, success breeds success, happiness manifests happiness.  We don’t attract what we desire…we attract what we are.  This statement alone is why the world class consciously chooses to be of good cheer.*

*177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class referenced

Mindy Mar D.C.

San Diego Center for Health

406 9th Avenue, Suite 206

San Diego, CA 92101

(619) 544-9700

www.sdcenterforhealth.com -

“The Doctor of the future will give no medicine, but will educate his patients in the care of the human frame, in diet, and in the cause and prevention of disease”

Thomas A. Edison

Most People Don’t Like Change…I Crave It.

I subscribe to a weekly newsletter from an expatriot who’s living life powerfully. He sent me this story to rimind me how important it is to keep fluid and go with the flow. Most people loath change but I’ve embraced change so much that now I crave it. I get complete satisfaction and fulfillment from keeping things fresh and  pushing my comfort levels by learning new things and changing things up often. I owe this way of being to my ongoing financial success. I was heavily into real estate and when that industry took a downward spiral, I shifted to a completely different occupation in internet advertising. If I would have resisted, and stayed in the real estate market I would have been dragged down with it. Instead, things are going well despite the big economic downturn most people are facing right now. In order to be successful and powerful, I think it’s imparative that you get really comfortable with change yourself. The following story is a good example of why it’s so important. By the late summer of 1939, Hitler’s forces had absorbed Austria and Czechoslovakia into his growing empire, and Germany’s military was massed at the Polish border clearly preparing for invasion. In an astonishing display of perhaps the greatest complacency in the history of the modern world, however, Polish people sat lazing about their lakes, beaches, and riverbanks worrying about more pressing matters– like how to beat the summer heat. In September of that year, German troops easily vanquished the Polish army, and Krakow became the colonial seat of the occupying forces. Almost immediately, under the direction of the German SS, anyone who posed a threat was rounded up and imprisoned. This included over 180 Polish university professors and many businessmen. Krakow, of course, is also very close to two of the main concentration camps used during the German occupation, nearby Oswiecim (Auschwitz) and Plaszow. The worst part is that, even after the war was over, Poland merely swapped fascism for Stalinism. Overall, the country was shrouded in brutal totalitarian control for half a century; undoubtedly, the Nazi invasion of Poland set off a chain of events that would forever affect the lives of all Poles. It’s true that no one had a crystal ball back then… but it would certainly stand to reason that with Hitler knocking at your door, you would probably want to have an escape plan. Even more prudently, perhaps to have already executed it. Many Poles did just that; they spent the preceding seasons liquidating assets, stocking up on gold, and getting their travel documents in order.  By the time Hitler came to town, many of the smart ones were already gone. My guess is that the ones who left were probably ridiculed by their peers as “crazy”, or “fringe”, or “out of touch”, or my personal favorite, “unpatriotic.” It’s as if they had a solemn national duty to stay, get roped up and waste away in a concentration camp for the ‘greater good’ of Poland. For those who escaped before the war, many of them went on to build new lives in places like the United States, Brazil, and Argentina.  They prioritized freedom and opportunity, and they went to the best places that were safest for themselves and their families. I’ve met a businessman here (I’ll call him “Jarek”) who I think has the best story to sum this up; when Jarek’s father was just a boy in Krakow, the family saw the warning signs and decided to leave town. This was 1938. Jarek’s grandfather owned a successful bakery at the time, yet he felt that he would rather start over somewhere else than risk the safety of his family by living in a police state. They sold everything– the house, livestock, and business… and everyone else thought they were crazy. Within six months, the family was in Curitiba, Brazil; Jarek’s grandfather soon established a new bakery that eventually became a thriving business. Jarek’s father grew up in Curitiba and integrated into the local culture, yet he maintained his roots since there were many other Poles who followed them there. 30-years later, the face of Brazil started to change. By the mid-1960s, the whole of Latin America was becoming a military dictatorship.  Once again, the family decided to get out while they could and head towards better opportunity; they sold the business, liquidated their assets, and this time headed towards the United States. Jarek was just a baby when the family made this move. He grew up in a Polish neighborhood of Chicago, spoke Polish at home, and married a Polish girl from his neighborhood. He was working as a young real estate professional in the Chicago suburbs when the Berlin Wall fell, at which point he began making more frequent trips to Poland to visit his family’s homeland. In his subsequent trips throughout the following years, Jarek began feeling like there was more and more opportunity in Poland; in 2003, fearful of what would happen in Chicago because of the “War on Terror,” Jarek moved his family full-circle back to Poland because he felt like it was the safest, most opportunity-rich place for him to be. He may have been right; his business is booming, and the family really enjoys the life they have built for themselves here. To listen to him talk, though, they would happily leave and go somewhere else if the right circumstances were presented. “My most important obligation is to my family,” he told me. “I will go wherever I can provide the best life for them, whether that is Poland, America, Brazil, or anywhere else. Nothing lasts forever, you have to expect that these things will change from time to time. People have to learn to change as well, to not get rooted in ideology.” I think Jarek has an interesting point; I’d really like to hear from you, though, what do you think?

Understanding Men Part 10 Facts vs. Feelings

One of the things we discovered years ago is that the Masculine measures reality by trusted FACTS while the Feminine reality is created by her FEELINGS.  Both of these are completely valid ways of seeing the world.

An interesting and hazardous side effect, however, is when you put these two realities in an automobile together.  Let’s call the Masculine a “Man,” although this is not always true, and the Feminine a “Woman,” also not always true ~ but easier to repeat over and over again.  He’s going to pay attention to being Factually safe, while she can’t help but notice if she Feels safe.

Add to this the difference in eyesight for men and women: He can track moving objects way better than she can; she has a peripheral vision that’s more sensitive and prey-like than predator ~ meaning she sees more threats.

This is how you have a woman full of tension and potentially freaking out because he keeps changing lanes.  Every time he moves the car to a lane on her side, it will look to her like cars on her side might hit her.  So she doesn’t feel safe.  He may know factually that he hasn’t had an accident in decades, that the car over on the other side wasn’t going to move, that the speed with which he slipped in that spot missed the other car by a mile… and so on.

Unfortunately, the fact of her being safe will not make her feel safe.  And a man’s greatest challenge with women is making them FEEL SAFE.  Because everything good from a woman begins with her feeling safe ~ and everything nasty begins with her feeling unsafe.

I would love your comments and questions related to this topic.  It’s worth exploring!

Blessings,
Heather

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Understanding Men Part 9 – The Perfect Fit

Michele Skerl and Alison Armstrong had designed an exercise whereby the participants could practice leading horses/people of very different temperaments and capacities.  Specifically with regard to the horses, Chaka is happiest when someone brings-it-on at full power with a lot of energy and enthusiasm; Heather (Not me, but the horse) just needs clarity, if you have that you don’t even have to ask before she’s acting upon it; Alli is very sensitive to power – if you overpower her, she’ll protect herself, if you pull your power, she’ll doubt you; and Velvet needs clarity plus a gentle request – if you’re unclear she’ll appear stubborn and temp you to use more force, which she’ll resist and resent.

As the four women took turns working with each of the horses, they adapted to their needs and experienced the ability to lead horses/people just like them.  Then the unexpected began happening: the perfect fit.  For each of the women, there was a horse who so resonated with who they are that synchronicity was completely natural and easy.  Both woman and horse glowed as they discovered each other.  It brought tears to their eyes to watch.

Alison and Michele were overjoyed that each participant experienced the perfect fit.  The feeling of it is now embedded in who they are.  They’ll never forget what it feels like and never mistake anything else for it.  And they experienced the ability to work with people who aren’t the perfect fit, but with whom something is possible that is worth adapting for.

The last possibility didn’t show up in the arena, but it shows up in life.  The person who brings out the worst in you, while you bring out the worst in them.  Neither of you are bad people.  The two of you are just a bad combination.  The most honoring thing to do in this case – for you and them – is to let it go.

Many people enter into relationships, personal and professional, and hope to change that person or entity into something that they desire.  While it is admirable and generous to help someone become better, you must approach it from the standpoint that you’re making them better for them, not for you.  If your true desire is to see them become better in their own eyes, and become closer to their own ideal, then this is done out of love.  You’re not really changing them, you’re helping them become more who they want to be.  If you can’t find your perfect fit, you may confuse yourself into thinking that you can change them into something else.  While we can often make small changes in others, it can be very difficult sometimes.  You should think hard about your situation, if you have a bad fit, and decide if you’re trying to change them into someone else, or to make them more like themselves.  If you want someone else, the best thing to do is to let them go!